The Professional Security Manual Class 1, Urban Security

The Professional Security Manual Class 1, Urban Security is a hilarious, short, farcical look at the training of today’s security guards. Lieutenant Charles White is “trying to save your life, champ, so pay attention.” He gives great advice on how to dress professionally, how to act professionally, and how to deal with ghosts while you are working the night shift. One skill I’ve been working on is the art of eye mastery, which you may not know, but it is the highest form of martial arts. He also includes many drawings to help you master the different techniques he is training you in.

I love how on the first page of this book, where they put the ISBN, it specifically says “this is not a real training manual.” It is very clearly not, but it is a real humorous book! I loved the tactical target training and the self-test at the end. There are editor’s notes at the bottom of some of the pages, which add even more hilarity. One of my favorites is, “Much of what Charles wrote made little or no sense, and I ended up ghostwriting parts of his manual without consulting him. Other parts went completely unedited by deadline.”

The section on all the equipment that can also be used as a weapon was awesome. In the chapter “The Office Environment: Dark Cubicles of Death,” there is a section completely devoted to the many ways you can use a stapler. For example, it can be used for self-defense, as a striking weapon, as a thrown weapon, or my personal favorite, to block bullets or arrows shot at you. I loved the quote in the chapter about professional conduct in the workplace: “You must secure the respect of employees by practicing martial arts in full view of everyone in the break room (officers paired together should practice on each other) or by exercising (push-ups or sit-ups are preferred).” Overall, a fun read that is well worth the half an hour it will take you to read it!